Oneshots: Umineko no Naku Koro ni
by XxNatsuHoshiShoujoxX
Summary: Oneshots of Umineko no Naku Koro ni. Ranging from horror to romance, read one-shots about Umineko while Beatrice, Battler, and all the other characters go through an adventure to solve Beatrice's epitaph. If romance, OTPs: Beato/Battler, Kanon/Jessica
1. Legend of the Golden Witch

**Lizzie's (Author's) Note:** I like Umineko a lot, and though everyone seems to be complaining about the anime, I think it was hell-a-lot better than Higurashi. (Not that I don't like Higurashi - it felt rushed and it hardly stuck to it's original source at some points) I realize that 'romance' isn't a big category that fits under Umineko and Higurashi - which both some up to the genre 'horror' - but there is a few shippings in the Umineko anime that are quite sweet. (Kanon/Jessica, Beato/Battler anyone?)

To sum up what the whole purpose of this fan fic in general is going to be about, it'll be about the main ships of Umineko - Beatoe/Battler, Kanon/Jessica (mostly this pairing probably), and perhaps even some Shannon/George or what-not the many yuri-side pairings or even just friendship. It might be a little AU at times or I'll just be sticking to the real story-line of the anime and visual novel. I WILL have to be keeping some horror in this fan fiction, so just to be safe, it has been rated T. Alright, now that that's done with, I'll be a little random and say... I WANT TO PLAY UMINEKO NO NAKU KORO NI CHIRU NAO~!!!! Moving on from this very long author's note...

**Oneshots: Umineko Chapter 1 -**

**~Legend of the Golden Witch - Witch in Love~**

Genre: Mystery, Romance, Hurt (not comfort...), (failed) Drama, Horror?

Pairings (if any): Beatrice/Battler :3

Rated: T (slight horror)

Arc: (obviously) Legend of the Golden Witch

POV: Narrator

Other: Not AU (?), EP1 (visual novel), anime-based, no Meta World Scenes, text not taken directly from anime nor VN

Spoilers: Yes. SPOILERS FOR EP5 AND EP1!!

Disclaimer: I do not own nor am affiliated in the creation of the Umineko no Naku Koro ni franchise, it belongs to 07th Expansion.

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Rather perplexed at the current situation, Battler tensed when Jessica and George started a jokingly horrific conversation about how they died. One would think that when they died, they would go straight to heaven or hell, but the Ushiromiya grandchildren and the two servants: Kanon and Shannon, were stuck in Purgatory.

As mentioned before, Jessica and George were chattering about how they died. "It's not like any of these killings could've been done by a human, right?" Jessica laughed. Battler lost it and stood up.

"When did you guys stop thinking?! There's nobody called 'Beatrice'!!" he had shouted at all of them. Maria just smiled darkly at him.

"Beato-sama won't forgive you now!" she said dryly.

"But Battler, how could anybody have done closed-room murders like they did?" Jessica suggested timidly.

"If you guys want to believe in Beatrice, FINE!"Battler shouted, standing his ground firmly. "But she'll have to appear and explain a few things to me before I start believing in her!"

Then, a gust of wind blew around the room, and golden butterflies started filling the room. Battler was knocked sideways and tripped on a table.

"So what have we here?" Beatrice asked, her voice floating around the room. It was cold, but perhaps under that frost there was the faintest touch of warmness. "I haven't seen a human with such will in quite a while!"

"N-NO! This has to be a trick- an illusion! There's a logical explanation for this!" Battler cried. Beatrice merely laughed and sneered at him. She challenged him to prove that magic didn't exist. As she said those words, the figures of Shannon and Kanon burst apart, leaving only blood as proof that they were even there. The figures of Maria, George, and Jessica followed. Inside, however, Beatrice did have more complicated feelings to this complex young man named Battler.

She felt he looked okay, maybe even a bit handsome. She also found his personality amusing but still charming in it's own way. She wondered how long he would keep persevering. Beatrice was left thinking that this would be a lot of fun for her.

**_End_**

**Author's Ending Comments: **A short chapter. I'm currently writing my second one-shot, and it's going to be a Kanon x Jessica one this time. But please note that I realize Umineko is a mystery anime. Be aware that I am not only going to write shipping one-shots, I'll write other stuff as well. I'll try my best to keep characters from going OOC. I may include OCs later on, but otherwise, please sit back and enjoy an OC-and-OOC-free fan fiction.


	2. Mahou Shoujo Kanonkun Henshin!

Lizzie: After re-watching episode 6 out of complete boredom, Mr. Furniture (Kanon) has inspired me to make this small (okay, nevermind. It's a long one and with three different sections) one-shot. It will consist of...

1.) Mr. Furniture at the orphanage as a child and meeting Shannon.

2.) Becoming furniture and working for the Ushiromiyas.

3.) Developing this furniture complex, and moving to Rokkenjima and how things first went. (God I hope I spelled that right)

Yeah, this of course, is not really the REAL story. Ryukishi07 will perhaps one day reveal the secrets of both Shannon and Kanon. But that will most likely happen when pigs fly. 3 Since I don't know Kanon's REAL name, you're just going to be hearing 'yous' all the time. If any of you know his true name, please tell me in a review. (I don't know whether they revealed his last name in EP5, but if his name STILL hasn't been revealed, please do not say so. I will figure that out my self. *is still playing EP5 with her horrible kanji/hiragana/katakana-skills)

Ah, yeah, it's called "Mahou Shoujo Kanon-kun Henshin" because... well, episode 8 should've shown you why. Henshin was added on due to the fact he's pretty much transforming into the furniture in this story. ;) Expect a similar story to this - just Shannon-focused - called "Immortal Furniture" to appear. Yes, Immortal Furniture is MelitheKoneko's idea. xD

Anyway, I might just make a mini-crossover one-shot of Higurashi AND Umineko, but expect very random things to be happening. (Not like the Crossover X manga though, I won't make Rena mow their lawn. xD) It's going to be hard to write in a very angsty manner when I listening to "I Don't Care" by Fall Out Boy... I'll just shut up and get started.

**Umineko Oneshots: Chapter 2**

**~ Mahou Shoujo Kanon-kun Henshin! ~**

Genre: Family, General, slight Romance, Angst?, Friendship

Pairings (if any): slight Kanon/Jessica

Rated: K+ (mild language)

Arc: None - before any of the arcs take place (please note that this is after the time when Battler first visited Rokkenjima.)

POV: Narrator

Other: totally fan-made, _**not based on nor from the visual novel, not based on any part of the When They Cry franchise**_ (except for the characters and settings), no Meta-World scenes, OCs at the beginning of the story and ones towards the middle, NO OC PAIRINGS, **NOT VIOLENT, **slight AU?

Spoilers: Yes. Shannon's true name. The rest is minor.

Disclaimer: I think that you know I don't own Umineko. If I did, I'd make Kanon less emo. (oops, I didn't say that~)

Noted: Kanon's name is spelled "Kanon" at the beginning of the story due to the fact we don't know his real name.

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_**A **__**Mere Illusion - Born As A Human?!**_

The crying baby whimpered. The woman lying down on the hospital bed was clammy with sweat. A man was holding the baby, admiring it's features and it's warmth.

"Minami..." he murmured softly, rocking the baby gently back and forth. The woman opened her eyes feebly. "Look! It's our baby!" Her eyelids fluttered - threatening to close on her.

"He's cute..." she answered back. "Makoto-kun... thank you for staying with me... but please let me rest... I want to sleep..."

"I-I want to talk!" Makoto answered back sternly but still gently. "I think he looks like you. Our child. Minami!" he grabbed her hand desperately, for her breathing was getting extremely shallow. Her eyelids fluttered open one last time.

"He looks... like you, Makoto-kun... I want to rest..." she smiled weakly, and looked very appreciative of Makoto and admiringly at the baby. "I hope... that at least... he'll have a heart that's as good as yours..." and her hand became limp. All the warmth it had once held had become lukewarm.

"Wait! Minami! I want to talk more!" Makoto cried, not believing she was dead. "No! Look! He looks like you! He'll grow up! He'll be a big, strong man! Yes... he will, that K- MINAMI!!" he burst out crying, and didn't care about awakening the now-sleeping baby. Minami... was dead.

6 years later...

"Ah, sorry. You'll be staying here for a while until Daddy comes to pick you up!" lied the sister of the dead Minami. In truth, Makoto was now an alcoholic in order to ease his major depression. "So be a good boy, okay?" She tried to hold back tears, for the boy was clueless about his fate.

"I don't want Daddy to come..." the small toddler mumbled. The doors to the orphanage pushed open, and "Kanon's" freedom was gone.

"Ah, so this is [insert Kanon's first name here]... okay, come with me. We'll have a drink," his aunt was lead into a room with a nurse. "Kanon" was left outside to wait.

After a few minutes of waiting, both of the adults stumbled out of the small office - both visibly drunk. The nurse gestured to "Kanon" to come. When his aunt didn't wave back at him, he obediently followed her, thinking that she had forgotten him. He was led into a room with many beds lined up in an orderly row.

"When is Daddy going to pick me up?" "Kanon" asked innocently. The nurse shook her head, still red in the face.

"I - uh, hate to break it to you, um, but your Daddy ain't coming to pick you up! You live here now, kiddie!" the nurse then left and slammed the door shut, leaving a befuddled child on bed number 26.

_**Life at the Orphange... And The Beginning of Furniture**_

"Kanon", being the innocent yet family-deprived child he was, had a hard time fitting in at the orphanage. Partly because he was pretty emotionless and didn't socialize with the other children, and also because he ignored most of the rules the nurses announced.

Play-time for all kids soon came, and most of the children ran around the room - rather rambunctiously. "Kanon" sat down on the playroom carpet, silently wishing he was back with Minami's sister/his aunt. A small girl came over to him - about his age.

"What are you doing sitting by yourself?" she asked attentively.

"Nothing," he replied in his usual dull way.

"Do you want to be my brother?" she asked randomly, but with excitement in her voice.

"We can't be brother and sister. We don't even know each other's names," "Kanon" replied bluntly, thinking that this request was indeed quite random.

"Oh... okay. So then, what's your name?" the girl piped up. "My name's Sayo! I'm 6 and a half!"

"My name..." he told her, and Sayo then declared them brother and sister. Rather irritated by her peppy personality, "Kanon" excused himself and said he had to go to the bathroom.

He unfortunately was kicked out, since the grumpy house-maid was currently cleaning the stalls. He was forced to return and answer Sayo's annoying questions.

"Are you a lifer or are you a part-time?" she questioned.

"What...?" he asked, confused at the two terms.

"A lifer is a person who stays here forever, but a part-time only stays here for part of their life! I'm a lifer!" Sayo announced proudly.

"I don't know," he replied, once again irate at her lack of silence. "I just know that Daddy nor auntie's going to pick me up."

"Oh, yay! That means my brother is going to stay here with me forever!" Sayo shouted gleefully.

"What about your parents?" "Kanon" snapped.

"M-my parents?" she looked rather unhappy. "I ran away. They were meanies!"

"Oh," he replied. "Auntie says my Mama died and now Daddy is a... al-ko-haw-lick."

Sayo giggled at the strange word. "So you will be my brother?"

"Kanon" sighed and gave up. He nodded. By their own little declaration, they were now blood-related.

After three years in the orphanage as the best of siblings, both "Kanon" and Sayo were well-known and liked. They were now both 9 (Sayo going on 10 very soon).

"OI!!!!!" a noisy little girl named Rinako cried. "There's an old rich man!! AN OLD RICH MAN!!!! He wants to adopt one of us!! Come see! Come see!!!" The majority of the orphans came running to the banister of the stairs to catch a glimpse at the strange man who had visited.

"He's OLD!!" a little boy shrieked.

"Be quiet!" Rinako snarled. The old man was having a conversation with the main nurse.

"No! I'm taking those two in particular! NOT ANOTHER ONE!!!" the man growled. The nurse looked frightened and went to fetch the lucky, or unlucky child.

"SAYO!!!! [insert Kanon's name here]!!!! Come down at once! Pack your things VERY quickly! You're going home!" the nurse shouted. The two siblings, stunned at their perhaps luck, walked out with a bag full of clothes.

"Alright. Here you go," the nurse shoved them towards the old man, who grabbed them by their hair. The nurse looked horrified, but the elder gave her a menacing look and she closed the door to her office.

The two 'siblings' were dragged out of the orphanage and shoved into an old car. The old man jumped into the front seat - and although looking too old to do anything - started to drive.

"Um... s-sir?" Sayo stuttered.

"YOU WILL ADDRESS ME AS MASTER!!!!!" he shouted. "MASTER USHIROMIYA KINZO!!!!"

"Ah, um - okay, I'm sorry, Master Kinzo!" Sayo mumbled. "I'm S-Sayo, sir-"

"NO!!!!" he roared, enraged at their apparent stupidity. "YOU'RE NEVER, understand me, _NEVER_ to use those names! YOU'RE NAME IS SHANNON!!!"

"N-no master, it's Say-"

"SHANNON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Kinzo shouted rather loudly, causing several people walking on the road to look at him quizzically or irritably. He glanced at the boy sitting next to Sayo, who was now Shannon. "And you, boy, are called Kanon! Understood!?" Kanon nodded obediently. Kinzo grunted something of approval, and drove on.

The car jerked to a stop, and Kinzo pulled the two to face a building. A girl with long, green hair in a ponytail stood waiting outside the entrance. (A/N: I'll give you a muffin if you guess who it is correctly! Ohohohoho~!)

"Ah! Ushiromiya Kinzo! Go on through!" the girl stepped aside, and they met another girl with a white hat and orange-brown hair. A sign on her desk read 'Ryuugu'.

"Oh?" the girl peered down to look at Shannon and Kanon. Then, something quite frightening and nerve-wracking happened. "HAUU!!!! OMOCHIKAERI!!!!!"

"RYUUGU!!!" Kinzo barked.

"AH! Sorry, here you go~" she handed over some keys. "Room service won't come until 5:00!"

"What's happening?" Kanon muttered to Shannon/Sayo.

"I-I don't know!" Shannon cried. Kinzo tugged harder on their sleeves.

They were being led up a richly furnished corridor. The rug was soft and nice on bare feet, and the lights were dimmed to a romantic shade - turning the rooms a golden color.

This would have been more pleasant to the two if Kinzo hadn't just snarled at them, "You're servants! You do not sit!"

"W-wait! We're just child-" Shannon started, but was whacked with a newspaper. They had now settled in a room with comfy seats and a luxurious atmosphere. However, behind the first room and the bedroom, there was another door that was made up of metal.

Kinzo grabbed Kanon by this collar and dragged him towards the room. Shannon started to rise, but Kinzo grunted and she sat back down.

The odd, idiosyncratic door opened, and Kanon was hauled into the room. It was bizarrely simplistic, with only a strange-looking light above and a sepia-colored chair in the center of the room.

Kanon was shoved into the chair - and all of a sudden, darkness constricted him and his conscience was only tied to the light that leaked in through his eyes.

"What do you think you are?" Kinzo addressed him.

"M-me...?" Kanon stammered. What this resulted in was a sharp pain.

"What kind of THING are you? A human?" Kinzo asked with slight contempt in his voice.

"A-a person..." Kanon answered, but this resulted in yet another sharp pain.

"YOU ARE A FURNITURE!! YOU ARE LOWER THAN ANY HUMAN BEING ON THIS PLANET!! YOU LIVE TO SERVE US!!!" Kinzo shouted with horrible truth in his voice.

"B-but I..." his thoughts were drowned out by another sharp pain.

"Don't talk, furniture! Learn you place, furniture! Stay silent, furniture!" Kinzo commanded. Kanon, even if he could have spoken, stayed silent in fear of what would happen. "I trust you, furniture! If you ever, EVER betray us, then you shall have disgraced your low honor in a horrible manner! Do you understand me?!" Another sharp jolt.

"Yes..." Kanon said in a dazed manner.

"Yes, yes... Good boy! Now, SHOW ME YOUR TRUE POWER!!!!" Kinzo's eyes had lit up in a malicious way. But Kanon had no time to examine this - a terrible pain overcame him once again - but this one worse than the sharp jolts he had experienced before. He wanted to scream, to shout, to cry for help, but he could not. The lights were even dimmer... and the pain was attempting to close his mind. However, some made his adrenaline rush. He saw a woman's face... a very kind face... and eyes the exact, precise shade as his own.

"..." the woman did not speak.

"M-m-mom!" Kanon wailed, trying to grab her hand.

She did not even turn around. She ignored him. "Kanon, always remember your true name. It is the only thing that ties you to being a real human. Be a good boy, okay?"

"MAMA!!!" Kanon cried. He felt too vulnerable for his own good... but he could not start acting as he usually did. He just knew... this was his mother.

"Kanon... you're a good boy," she said. Finally, she turned around so he could see some part of her face. "***... I will always be with you... And now, it's time for you to go." (A/N: *** = Kanon's real name)

"MAMA!!!" he cried, but she smiled at him. She reached her hand out to him, but her hand faded as soon as Kanon had tried to touch it. Then, it was pitch-black. No, it was even darker than black...

**_Mansion 1_**

"Kanon! Kanon!" Shannon wailed.

"S-shannon?" he opened his eyes to see Shannon and an older girl kneeling over him. The girl had to be at least 16.

"Ha, see? You're brother's okay! Now you two have to get to work!" she said cheerfully. They were somewhere entirely different. It was a very extravagant-looking room. The walls were nice and shiny, and the floor was sparkling. Sunlight filtered in through the window.

"Wh-where are we?" Kanon murmured.

"Oh? This is one of the Ushiromiya's minor mansions!" the girl said cheerfully.

The word 'Ushiromiya' got Kanon set off. He felt unfortunately loyal to them, despite the fact he only knew the old man.

"Minor mansions? Why am I here?" Kanon demanded. "And who are YOU?"

"AHAHAHA!! I like your spirit!" the older teen's laugh was overly cheerful. She was like Shannon was when she was Sayo. "I'm Lucia, a servant to the Ushiromiyas! You guys are Shannon and Kanon, also servants, though you're furniture!"

"Furniture..." Kanon didn't care for that word much, because suddenly, he felt very dirtied and filthy, like he needed a bath extremely badly.

"Well, I'm working on graduating from Furniture to a human... or..." Lucia turned away. "An object*~! Now, here's some towels for Shannon to fold!" Shannon looked confused.

"Wh-what?" but Lucia shoved the towels into her arms.

"I'll help if you want. Then we have to wash their clothes," she said. Then, she turned around to Kanon. "Ah, you were supposed to go with Daichi... but where the hell is that kid?!" Surely enough, a boy with mousy-brown hair. He looked slightly older than Lucia, but he let her boss him around as if she was his master.

"Come on," he told Kanon, who followed quite reluctantly. He was led up a white corridor and accompanied into the kitchen. Kanon was slightly stunned at his surroundings.

Daichi handed him a dirty dish. "Wash," he instructed him.

Kanon obeyed, slightly afraid of the older boy, who had taken to cooking something that smelled good. "So are you planning on going to the Rokkenjima Mansion in 6 months?" Daichi asked casually - as if Kanon had an idea of what he was talking about.

"Um... yes?" Kanon answered, trying to make it evident he had no clue of what Daichi was talking about. He (Daichi) didn't notice.

"I'm going to stay here at Rosa-sama's house. It's just a bother to go to Rokkenjima," he said. "Of course, Natsuhi and Krauss-sama are amazing, but I can't stand being around Jessica-san. She's too peppy... not to mention not a fit heiress for the family. With grades like hers..."

Kanon, at a loss from this information, decided it was best to stay quiet while Daichi discussed how he didn't feel Jessica was a fit Ushiromiya. Lucia and Shannon, however, came in just at that moment.

"Daichi! Don't talk about our masters like that! We're only furniture!" Lucia snapped. "Low beings on this Earth that must respect humans!"

"Yeah yeah... but I don't hang out with Genji," Daichi replied easily.

Lucia's face turned bright red. "Well Kinzo doesn't honor you that much! I doubt you'll ever be reborn as a human with THAT attitude! And we HAVE to respect Jessica-chan of all since she's the heiress!"

"Pfft... like I care," Daichi muttered as Lucia started to help with the plates.

"Oh, Shannon, you can put the towels over there!" she pointed to a place by the window, which Shannon reluctantly them set down.

Kanon ignored Lucia, though a bit angry at her lack of knowledge about their ignorance. Daichi and Lucia were arguing again - about going to Rokkenjima or not.

"Rokkenjima is stupid! Just because Kinzo lives there, doesn't mean I want to be there!" Daichi snapped at her. "Besides - don't you remember what he did to us? Pulled our hair, took my sight? I can't even remember my real name!"

"I remember my-my real name..." Shannon murmured. "It's Sayo..."

"Shannon! You're not supposed to EVER say your real name! Never!" Lucia cried out. "You are bound to your furniture name forever! You should forget it!"

"What? That's too cruel!" Shannon cried. Kanon just listened to all of this conversation - not caring in the world really about his real name. He just wanted to forget it all... But the word Furniture stayed clear in his mind, and sudden loyalty to people he had never even met before flashed through his head.

"Yeah, they're only nine. Take it easy with the furniture stuff," Daichi agreed. Lucia looked beaten, but she brushed her brown hair behind her and started polishing some cups.

"But still. Going on Rokkenjima would be a great honor for us," Lucia murmured. Daichi had apparently heard her, and turned around from his cooking to glare at her.

"Going on Rokkenjima would be hell! What if Beatrice appears?" Daichi snapped. Kanon turned around, looking quizzically at him, but he didn't notice. "She's a witch!"

"If Beatrice appears - then we have absolutely nothing to worry about!" Lucia protested. "She was Kinzo's lover! Stop worrying! Or are you just jealous?!" This time, Daichi turned red. He went back to cooking, leaving awkward silence around the room. Kanon ignored the presence of it, concentrating on Rokkenjima. He wondered what it was really like.

Dinner was finally cooked, and Lucia ordered both Kanon and Shannon to take down some plates while Daichi cleaned up. She would take down the drinks.

It was actually very strange, for there was a huge table, yet only three people sat at it: A man, a woman, and a girl.

"Uu~! Maria is hungry!" the girl cried. The man laughed, while the woman smiled at her with slight contempt.

"I am sorry for the wait, Ojou-sama," Lucia nodded to Maria, who looked about three. "Kanon, pass this to the Master." She gestured to the man, so Kanon obediently obeyed her.

He felt like he should respect them all - and that he was lower class than them.

"Ah, you're new to the kitchen?" the man asked. Kanon nodded, not sure what else to do. "Nice to meet you! I'm Ushiromiya [insert Rosa's husband's name here]!"

"U-um, h-here you go!" Shannon stammered, nearly knocking over the woman's cup of wine.

"It's okay," she said, smiling up at her. "My name is Ushiromiya Rosa. How do you do?"

"Shannon! Don't shake it!" Lucia warned her in whispers. "Ah, I'm sorry Mistress! We have to attend to the kitchen." She looked disappointed, but merely nodded.

Shannon looked up at Lucia, clearly confused. "Why couldn't I shake her hand? It's a polite thing to do."

"We're only furniture!" Lucia cried out. "Our hands are dirtied!" Kanon really didn't want to listen to Lucia's screaming about furniture, so he decided to speed on ahead to the kitchen.

Daichi was polishing some silverware. He looked up when Kanon entered the room. "Oh yeah. Kinzo said to give this to you." He handed Kanon a master key. It was a shiny silver, and it felt like all of Kanon's trust had just been placed in that very key.

"It's for unlocking doors... you can unlock any door in this mansion," Daichi informed him. Kanon nodded, and stowed away the key in his pocket.

"Oh, Daichi," Lucia and Shannon had entered the room. "Come on you two. Time to clean the halls."

"What? But don't we sleep?" Shannon asked wearily. But Kanon hardly felt sleepy, he was rather nervous since the mansion was so huge.

"HAHAHAHAHA!!!" Lucia laughed cheerfully. "Sleep? I doubt anyone would ever let US catch a wink of sleep! Come on now! Let's go!" She grabbed some towels and fled the room down the long, dark corridor.

"Go," Daichi said. Without any sort of objection, Shannon and Kanon followed.

From then on, the schedule was pretty much the same: In the morning, clean, make breakfast, clean. In the afternoon: Clean, make lunch, clean or tend the gardens. In the evening: Clean, make dinner, and... clean. It seemed like everyday was just an hour. However, about 6 months had already passed.

Shannon was 10 by now, and had grown considerably taller. In fact, it really felt like they were as old as Lucia and Daichi. And for the first time in their life, it felt like they really did have a family. Despite this family being a family of... well, 'furniture', they had people close to them that they could rely on. However, even though they felt they were changing and maturing, they were no longer who they used to be. It was like they really DID forget their real names and the life that had happened before they had changed their names. Shannon was no longer the cheerful and bubbly Sayo, but the quiet (though kind) maid. Kanon was not the somewhat-optimistic child who had walked into the orphanage with an aloof aunt about 4 years ago, but a serious, hard-working butler.

Shannon, on one unfortunate day, was taken away to leave for Rokkenjima. Lucia made it clear that she was annoyed she would be the only girl maid in Rosa's mansion. Daichi rolled his eyes, reminding her that there would be another chance to go when the meeting started, making her blush. Kanon was the one who was actually lonely - sure, Daichi was pretty cool and like an older brother to him, but Shannon and him had declared themselves brother and sister. He managed to focus on work without Shannon, but it didn't feel the same.

"Ahh..." Daichi sighed after a long day of work. Kanon was still busy polishing a plate. "I wonder how Shannon-chan is doing..." Kanon just gazed out the window.

"I WANNA GO TO ROKKENJIMA!!!" Lucia whined. Then she calmed down. "I heard Jessica-chan had a serious asthma attack."

"Ohh?" Daichi sat up, interested in the latest gossip. "What happened?"

Kanon only half-heartedly listened in, wondering if he would ever see his sister again.

Anyway, one day, a man with greying hair entered the mansion, claiming to be Genji. "I am here to escort the Ushiromiyas to Rokkenjima for this year's meeting, and to take the servant Kanon to Rokkenjima to work there."

When Lucia heard the news, she was bubbling with jealousy but was also proud. "I'm sooooo jealous of you! I wanted to go!!! But good luck anyway!"

Daichi clapped Kanon on the back and assured him he'd do fine. "Meh, it'll be really lonely without you, and since I'm going to be stuck with... yeah. Anyway, good luck." Kanon and Shannon parted, really rather exasperated that they were being moved when they were really just getting used to the first mansion.

They took a boat to Rokkenjima, and Kanon had a little conversation with Genji. "Why aren't we sitting?" he asked timidly. Genji did not laugh, but merely stared at the water.

"We are only furniture," he replied.

"I hate to be rude, but what really is 'furniture'?" Kanon asked, feeling like a little child.

"Do you have a key?" Kanon nodded. Genji continued. "We are servants to the Ushiromiya family - we are not special to them, we are creatures looked down upon. However, despite being lower than a human, we are higher than slaves. We have powers that they do not hold. We are trusted and treated much better (well, really depending on what kind of master you have)- but must respect those who are human and superior to us. That key was given to you a sign of deep trust between you and the Ushiromiyas. Do not disgrace the use of that."

Even though it was a short speech, it was convincing and honest (Genji must be a very good actor!) and changed Kanon's views on his existence. He was only a smidge higher than a slave. He should respect all humans - especially his masters. But he was trusted deeply. He touched the key in his pocket.

As soon as they arrived at Rokkenjima, Kanon knew that it was much bigger than Rosa's mansion. It looked like they were building another building - probably a guest house. The rose garden was extremely elaborate. As soon as Kanon entered inside the house, the first thing they heard was someone scolding their child.

"I am VERY disappointed in you, Jessica!" a woman yelled.

"Ah- I'm sorry!" the girl named Jessica apologized - though obviously not honestly. "But I... um, didn't end up copying down the notes!"

"Don't give me one of your pathetic excuses! You BETTER get an 85 or higher on your next test OR ELSE!!!!!" the woman yelled.

"I'M SORRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!" the girl cried.

The woman who had been yelling before descended down the stairs. "Ah, Rosa! Greetings! And these people are...?" the woman eyed Kanon wearily.

"The servants who have been transferred from Mistress Rosa's mansion," Genji replied.

"Ah, I see," the woman said. "I'm Ushiromiya Natsuhi... JESSICA, WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!?!"

"I'm coming!" the girl snapped. A girl about 12 years old hopped down the stairs.

"This is my daughter, Ushiromiya Jessica," Natsuhi said. "Oh my, where is Krauss and the others?" She sighed and shook her head - and apparently forgetting about the others, hurried off.

"Sheesh, you call me down here just to point at me and then you run off," Jessica muttered under her breath. "Hi!" She greeted Kanon cheerfully. "Hi, Rosa-obasan! How are you, Maria?"

"Uu~! Jessica-neesan!" Maria said cheerfully. "Where's George-niisan?"

"Probably being a show-off," Jessica rolled her eyes. Maria tugged on her sleeve.

"Uu~! Battler-niisan isn't here?" Maria whimpered. Jessica shook her head sadly. "Uu... Maria found a hurt rose in the garden!"

"Really?" Jessica asked. Kanon, not sure what to do, continued to watch the conversation. He honestly just wanted to find Shannon, but for some reason, he couldn't stop watching their conversation. "How about we go and mark it?" Maria nodded and followed Jessica out to the garden. Snapping out of his trance, Kanon turned to Genji.

"Where's Shannon?" he questioned. Genji said she was outside in the garden. After Rosa's family had left for their rooms, Kanon walked outside to the garden. Surely enough, he found Shannon out there... with Jessica, Maria, and a boy with glasses who looked about 15.

Shannon turned around to see who was approaching, and she smiled happily and joyfully when she saw it was Kanon.

"Kanon!" Shannon cried happily.

"Oh, Shannon? You know him?" Jessica inquired.

"Yes, he's my brother," she informed her.

"Ah, I see," Jessica smiled. She held out her hand. "Nice to meet you." Unexpectedly, Kanon did not shake it. He just nodded curtly.

"Who is this?" Kanon turned his gaze at the guy with glasses.

"O-oh! This is George-sama!" Shannon stammered. Kanon looked pointedly at Shannon and nodded politely (not curtly) to George. Jessica looked half-offended.

"Uu~! Maria found the rose! Maria found the rose!" Maria exclaimed.

George picked it for Maria, who accepted it with glee.

"Take good care of it!" George smiled gently.

"JESSICA!!!!!!" Natsuhi's voice boomed through even the garden. "INSIDE TO STUDY!! NOW!!"

"Ugh!" Jessica spat. "Studying! I can't take it seriously!"

"Oh come on, it's not THAT hard," George laughed.

"Easy for you to say!" Jessica snorted. She stomped off.

"Haha... she really can't handle subjects that don't involve jumping up and down..." George murmured. Shannon smiled at this. Maria clutched her rose tightly, for she had ripped off some of the thorns.

"If she jumped up and down, she might have an asthma attack," Shannon joked.

"SHANNON. KANON," Genji shouted from the kitchen. Inside the kitchen, they were greeted by three unfamiliar faces. A chubby old man, a heavyset man with a cheerful face, and an elderly woman.

"Welcome to the family!" the heavyset man said, maintaining a cheerful smile. "You may call me Gohda! This is Dr. Nanjo -" he beckoned to the chubby man - "And this is Kumasawa! Now, we have to get the table ready for dinner."

**_Asthma Attack!!!!_**

After about a month on Rokkenjima, Kanon was once again getting used to life as a furniture/servant on Rokkenjima.

One sweet day, Jessica, George, and Maria were playing out in the garden. (Kanon noted that they spent most of their time outside)

Natsuhi and Krauss came outside, and called Jessica in. Kanon was cleaning the tables indoors. They dragged Jessica into the dining room.

"Your father and I have received enough calls from the principal," Natsuhi announced. "And we're sick of it." She held up a letter. "'Dear Ushiromiya Natsuhi and Krauss*, today, your daughter, Ushiromiya Jessica, was caught in the act of fighting with Takano Miyo*. While your daughter claims that Takano Miyo was bullying a group of her friends, Takano Miyo says that Jessica was threatening her. We are currently questioning the group of said students, but even so, physical fighting contact in school is strictly forbidden. We hereby would like to say that your daughter is now to participate in after-school detention at 4:00 PM sharp. Sincerely, Amakawa Tsukasa*.'"

"Not only that, you have to do a Mandatory Study Hall," Krauss said in a very serious voice. "Your mother and I really worry for you."

"Why? Because I wasn't born with the brain you wished?" Jessica muttered. "Besides, Takano was stealing mon-"

"You're an HEIRESS!!!" Krauss screamed. "And not only that, you're THIRTEEN!! BE MORE RESPONSIBLE!!!"

"So?!" Jessica snarled. "Like my age really matters! All it does is tell you how many years you've lived!"

"And in all those years, you should've learned!!! You should've studied harder, and MAYBE you would have passed it!" Natsuhi cried. "I'm tired of having a daughter that only FAILS!!!!"

Kanon was just listening while cleaning the table, only half-interested.

"Only FAILS?! Is that ALL I'm credited for!? My negative acts and traits instead of my positive ones?!" Jessica shouted. Her voice was getting hoarse... "If YOU want to have a perfect child, you should have just kept that child!" She was losing her voice... "You should've aborted me or thrown me off the cliff instead of THAT child!!!" Natsuhi froze, a frightened look cast upon her face. And then, Jessica collapsed into a deadly fit of coughing.

Natsuhi tried to protest, but Krauss shook his head. He turned to Kanon. "Hey, you. Escort Jessica to her room." Kanon sighed and lifted her up to support her. She wouldn't stop coughing. He dragged her down the long, dark halls. He wasn't sure what was making the strange beat inside his chest - he did not want to believe he had a heart. He hoped it was too dark to see his blush, though he refused to acknowledge it as a blush - just a blood rush.

He passed Shannon, who looked alert. "Ojou-sama!" Shannon cried. "I'll take it from here, Kanon." He just nodded, feeling a slight surge of disappointment. Shannon supported Jessica and walked down the hall.

The next day, Kanon approached Jessica to see if she was alright. She smiled shyly. "Ah, yeah, I'm okay!"

She seemed fine, so Kanon walked away to tend the garden.

The next thing he knew, Jessica, George, and Maria were outside again.

"Uu~! Maria wants to play four square!" Maria cried.

"What's that?" Jessica asked.

"It's an American game," George replied with a smile. "Why not? We need chalk and one more person, though." Maria went to fetch some chalk.

"Hm, how about Kanon-kun?" Jessica suggested. Kanon looked over to them, surprised they even remembered his name.

"Hey, Kanon-kun," George called. "Would you like to play four square?" He had approached him.

"I am only furniture. I am not supposed to play games," Kanon said.

"Oh, come on~!" Jessica responded cheerfully. "Play with us~! That's an order!"

Kanon reluctantly joined in after the four different squares were made. They found a ball to use, though it was half-deflated. George blew it up as best he could, but it was still a quarter deflated. The game began.

"Hurry, Maria-chan!" George warned as the ball bounced towards her.

"Uu~! Meanie! Kanon-kun!" Maria threw the ball to Kanon, who bounced it back to George.

"Jessica-chan!" the ball went towards Jessica, who bounced it towards Kanon. It went something like Jessica, Maria, George, Kanon, George, Jessica, Kanon, Maria, George, and so on. When the game ended, they were all panting.

"Ahh~ Today was so fun!" Jessica said happily. George and Maria agreed. Kanon almost smiled and agreed - but had just remembered he was only furniture and was not supposed to have this kind of fun. He just stayed silently.

But still, Jessica was right: it had been a fun day. Secretly, Kanon hoped that he would have more fun like this in the future.

* * *

*object: A concept that I _might_ be using in later stories. You can expect Lucia or Daichi to appear. I may not though.

*Dear Ushiromiya Natsuhi and Krauss: Written in English style since this is an English fanfic.

*Takano Miyo: A character from Higurashi, for those who don't know.

*Amakawa Tsukasa: Unlikely that this will ever happen again, but a character from the Shugo Chara! franchise. Yes, I know the letter makes him sound OOC

Ending Notes: Ah, that was long but fun to write, even though some parts felt weak. I'll try to improve it. Next chapter will be humor, and then I'll go back to doing the horror stuff and include more Beato-sama.


	3. Cheap Humor: Maria and Anime

Lizzie: Ah, so soon. Well, this is a short chapter, it's just going to be featuring Maria, Jessica, and Battler arguing over the TV. Enjoy~

**Umineko Oneshots Chapter 3**

**~ Cheap Humor: Anime ~**

Summary: Maria watches TV. Battler and Jessica discover she's not only a witch-obsessed little girl, but an otaku as well.

Genres: Parody, Humor, General

Pairings: None

Rated: K+

Arc: None 3

POV: Narrator

Other: Not AU, not based on any part of the franchise, no Meta World scenes, No OCs

Spoilers: Not really... maybe some minor ones for various anime

Disclaimer: I don't own Umineko. Nope. You should be glad I don't. :)

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

One fine morning, when the songbirds were chirping noisily and the seagulls appeared incapable of shutting up as the grass swayed lazily as the breeze dove downwards... the first thing Maria did was turn on the TV.

"Well, Rika-chan... I'm not doing this out of curiousity - I'm doing this for academic reasons," Miyo Takano tried explaining to Rika Furude. You guessed it - Maria had turned on the channel to Higurashi no Naku Koro ni. Rika held up a shiny key. "Th-thats..."

"I could let you in," Rika said, holding up the key. It glinted in the sun. Battler and Jessica were downstairs by now.

"REALLY?!?!" Takano cried. "Inside the tool shrine, and NOT just a storage room?"

"Hey... Maria-chan," Battler leaned over the couch to examine what Maria was watching. "Is that...?"

"Shh!" Maria hissed. They continued to watch the episode, when finally, Battler grew bored and grabbed the controls. "Uu~! Battler-kun, Maria wants the controls back!"

"Sorry... no can do," Battler replied. He switched the channel to the anime Rosario + Vampire.

"Tsukune-kun..." Moka Akashiya - a vampire with pink hair cried.

"Hey! This anime was rated strictly PG-13!" Jessica snapped, but she watched it anyway.

"Moka-san..." Tsukune cried back.

"CHUU~!!!!"

"THAT'S IT!" and with that, Jessica switched the channel to Kanon 2006.

"I wonder if I'll be as beautiful as Nayuki-san when I grow up," the main heroine of the story - Ayu Tsukimiya said.

"Nayuki's the same age as us," Yuuichi, the main guy of the story proclaimed. Then, cue the awkward silence.

"Uguu~... that's a shock..." Ayu muttered.

"Uu~! Maria wants to switch! Maria wants to switch!" and thus, Maria seized the controls and abruptly turned the channel to Shugo Chara!

"Well, I DID ask to be reborn as a new character!" Amu Hinamori, the protagonist yelled. "I DID ask for my character to change! But I didn't mean I wanted to give birth! It doesn't say anything about this in the health manual!!!!!!"

With a click, Battler changed the channel to Fullmetal Alchemist.

"DON'T CALL ME SHORT!!!!" (Edward Elric)

Then, Jessica grabbed the controls and changed it to Shakugan no Shana.

"SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!!" (Shana)

Battler got the controls again and changed it to Soul Eater.

"Cool guys like me don't do that." (Soul Eater Evans)

Maria had grabbed the controls now and had changed it to ToraDora!

"Come here, Stupid Chihuahua!" (Taiga Aisaka)

"G-Gao!" (Misuzu - AIR TV)

"I have no more smiles for you~!" (Rushuna - Grenadier)

"WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK I AM?!?!?!?!" (Kamina - Gurren Lagann)

"STOP IT!!!!!" Natsuhi yelled. The TV was finally left on... Higurashi no Naku Koro ni. Again.

"M-my name is Furude Hanyuu, nano desu," the purple-haired girl on the television stuttered. "I'm very... very..." She lost it. "I'm very meased to please you all, nano desu!"

"Hey, where'd her horns go?!" Battler cried, making a Phoenix Wright Objection pose. "This is absolutely terrible! I'm horrified! I'm going off to finish playing my hentai game!"

"You know, your father would kill you if he found out you were playing hentai," Jessica informed him boredly.

"Ah, really?" Rudolf said. "In that case, Battler, would you like to borrow my Kimi ga Nozomu Eien game? It's FULL of hentai!"

An hour later, Battler and Rudolf came down the stairs, covered in blood from the amounts of nosebleeds they had suffered from.

* * *

Yeah, cheap humor, I know. That's the reason for the title. Expect something darker next.


	4. WARNING: RATED TM!

Lizzie: I'm so evil, doing this to my favorite character. :( But I just felt like doing this because I am bored, and as you all know, I have absolutely no life. :D

**Umineko One-Shots Chapter 4**

**~ Last Regrets ~**

Rated: T-M

Genre(s): (Poor, cruddy) Horror, Maybe slightly Romance

Arc: EP3

Pairings (if any): Kanon X Jessica.

POV: Narrator

Spoilers: Yah. Read at your own risk!! Please!

Other: Just a prediction of what happened to Jessica. Evatrice needs to go to hell.

Disclaimer: I don't own Umineko and blah blah blah this and that, it belongs to 07th Expansion and Ryukishi07 and blah blah blah... (and may BT of 07th Ex. rest in peace.)

********************************************************************************************************

"... And after that, I'll play with Jessica's corpse over and over again!" Eva-Beatrice cackled.

Even though Jessica was alone once again, she felt stronger than she had before. She had lost so many dear people, but she was at least able to hear one of those lost person's voice again. She was grateful to Beatrice for giving her this opportunity, even if her time spent with Kanon-kun was short. Now, Jessica was no longer as afraid as before of dying. Perhaps death wasn't as painful as others expressed it - maybe it was easier and faster than falling asleep. Still, in the back of her mind, she remembered that Eva was a cruel woman and wouldn't hesitate to make her end slow and painful.

But she wasn't afraid. Her heart still beat wildly as the door to the room clicked open, but she felt that she no longer regretted anything.

"AHAHAHAHAHAA!!! Hey, Jessica! You're looking great!!" Evatrice snickered, acting as though they were old acquaintances, to which they were.

"Eva-obasan!" Jessica stood up. Evatrice smirked, as though this amused her. Jessica was shaking.

"Look how pitiful you are!" Evatrice murmured in false sympathy. "Sight is the most important sense! It's too bad you lost it! Maybe if you COULD see, then you would've been able to save Battler! But it would still be futile - after all. I AM BEATRICE, THE GOLDEN WITCH!!! THE ENDLESS WITCH!!!" Jessica was shocked with guilt that she had forgotten about Battler. But now wasn't the time to show her weaknesses - not after a miracle had just occurred.

"And what about you, Eva-obasan? You claim to be a witch, but you're just a weak thing that was overcome by ambition!" Jessica answered, her voice steely calm. "You're no stronger than I am!"

Evatrice sneered at that remark. "I, am a powerful witch! I already told you - I. AM. BEATRICE!!!!!" She laughed evilly, and to emphasize the moment, thunder echoed throughout the room. The atmosphere was ominous.

"How dare you insult the name of Beatrice!" Jessica yelled. "You're not Beatrice - you're just trying to copy her!" Evatrice had had enough.

"I'M GREATER THAN YOU!!! IF YOU DON'T BOW DOWN TO ME, THEN WHY DON'T YOU JUST DIE?!?!" Evatrice raised her staff, and the two Siestas appeared. "Siestas! Destroy her!"

"Yess~! Beatrice-sama!" Siesta 410 said, giggling like a naughty child. Jessica prepared for the long, slow and sharp death that was about to come.

"I CAN SEE ALL YOUR REGRETS DRIBBLING DOWN THE SIDES OF YOUR MOUTH!!!!" Evatrice screamed. She started to laugh.

But Jessica knew she was wrong. In the end, she knew that her parents had loved her. She knew that she had done her job as the Heir of the Ushiromiya family and had tried her best.

She did not regret falling in love with Kanon. She didn't regret meeting any of her cousins, and she didn't regret having a family like she had.

No, she couldn't regret anything. Her last wish had come true - to meet Kanon-kun once again. Soon, she would be joining him. She would meet eternal bliss soon...

"I have no regrets," Jessica murmured. Evatrice was annoyed to hear this. "How can I have any last regrets when my last wishes have come true?"

The Siesta's arrows shot through her stomach and her neck. Blood flowed free all over the place. Eager to make a gruesome scene, Evatrice started ripping out Jessica's stomach organs and tearing out her arteries from her neck. The tube-like blood passages were still flowing freely. After that job was done, she cackled, and stomped on Jessica's nose. More blood flowed, and the floor was painted a mournful crimson.

"You stupid, lowly creature!" Evatrice sneered. "Die in shame!" She raised her staff to resurrect Jessica again. But suddenly, she was stopped. Evatrice was transferred into a strange, different world where she saw that the old Golden Witch was still alive!

Too occupied by MetaBattler's challenge, Evatrice let Jessica rest in peace without humiliating the dead. Ronove came back onto the game board, and being the courteous gentlemen he was, he erased all signs of Jessica's corpse.

"Rest in peace, Ushiromiya Jessica, and sleep without any last regrets. Live in eternal bliss with your lover, Kanon."

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

Lizzie: Er, yah. Sorry for the sappy end. And the poorly written horror wasn't that great either. ^_^'' I swear that next time, I won't make it this stupid. :P


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